When it comes to communication, a scary one for many is the intimate kind.
In 1992, author & philosopher Gary Chapman introduced the world to The Five Love Languages, an exploration of intimate love & explanation as to how & why we express it.
The easiest was for me to explain these give languages, in my own words, is through my own life:
Recently, in my relationship, I’ve felt like him & I aren’t on the same page. For being together romantically for the last two years & friends for several years before that, I sometimes feel we aren’t even in the same book. It always comes back to communication being the issue & neither of us knowing how to address it. People are all very different & how we communicate will be different too.
When it comes to intimate relationships, communication is especially important. I decided to take the couple’s quiz to determine my love language, provided by Gary Chapman. Click here to take the right quiz for you.
According to the results, Acts of Service is my strongest love language & Physical Touch is my weakest. But what does that mean? Let’s find out…
Acts of Service
Your partner might have this love language if their motto is “Actions speak louder than words.”
This love language expresses itself by doing things that you know your spouse would like. Cooking a meal, doing the laundry, and picking up a prescription are all acts of service. They require some thought, time, and effort.
I consider myself a fairy godmother. I love doing things for others to make their lives easier.
My long distance boyfriend ran out of spare underwear at my house, so I bought him a pack of boxers & socks just in case.
My dad loves animal crackers, but only the ones in the little box with the string handle, so I buy them for him every time I see them.
My mom prefers Halloween to Christmas, so I always stuff her stocking with tricks & treats.
The classroom I’m an aide in is constantly in need of something & I’m always happy to provide what I can. The aftercare group I counsel has been endowed with so many toys, they never want to leave.
Credit isn’t something I look for when being this way, but it’s always nice to hear. I’d rather be acknowledged through someone else doing the same for me.
Tokens of Affection
I’m the type of person to take note of that thing you like, but can’t bring yourself to buy. I love surprising people by paying attention to them enough to find their “perfect presents.” It makes me feel accomplished seeing the sparkle in their gaze or hearing their voice jump an octave.
A friend of mine loves ketchup. It was our running joke at work trying to find a food she wouldn’t put it on. I left that job in September, but I had already bought her Christmas present, so I mailed it to her house. I wish I was there to see her cry happy tears over her “new favorite ornament.” A bedazzled bottle of ketchup.
Words of Affirmation
This love language expresses love with words that build up your partner. Verbal compliments don’t have to be complicated; the shortest and simplest praises can be the most effective.
As someone who’s been lied to & was a pathological liar as a kid, I don’t put much energy into words. Tho I do appreciate genuine compliments, they don’t make or break my relationships.
That being said, I’m the type who’d rather be told why you love me, rather than just you love me.
Being center stage isn’t my schtick, backstage is more my speed. This doesn’t change for relationships. I’m not a show pony or a piece of meat. I don’t need to be shown off. I don’t need to be irrelevantly bragged about. & You don’t need to bring up who I am to you every two seconds. I don’t need someone staring at me all the time, but I do like to feel like I’m the apple of someone’s eye.
We don’t need to be attached at the hip, but I do like to be in arm’s reach. We don’t need to finish each other’s sentences, but I do like to be within ear shot.
I don’t like being forgotten. I just want to be remembered.
To people with this love language, nothing is more impactful than the physical touch of their partner. They aren’t necessarily into over-the-top PDA, but they do feel more connected and safe in a relationship by holding hands, kissing, hugging, etc.
I am not at all about PDA. I don’t like participating in it & I don’t like being subject to it. Furthermore, I don’t hold hands because I have bad wrists. I don’t cuddle because I’m boney & it’s uncomfortable. I don’t sit on anyone’s lap because I’m not a child. I don’t like giving or recieving hugs. I keep my body to myself. & Would like everyone else to do the same.
It’s a hard no for me on physical touch.
Everyone’s different. Learn your love languages. Learn your partner’s love language. Learn to love.
Cover photo credit.