Request from a Reject

Just reject us. Stop with the games.

Rejection is a difficult, but inevitable, part of life. Rejection in relationships is especially hard on some people. For others, however, the process of rejecting isn’t taken seriously or can by treated as a game. For those on the other side of the game as the players out there, harm is almost always guaranteed in those kinds of situations.

Nowadays, there’s even more straight up disrespectful ways players play. Here, we’ll outline how to differentiate & identify these behaviors & know it’s not your fault. Social media & the individual’s apparent, but deceiving, connection to the global community have led to the development & discovery of tons of unfortunate deceitful tactics. Many of these tactics are very similar in how they seem to work, but very different in how they make you feel.

Verbs:

Ghosting & Haunting – Ghosting is the practice of disappearing from someone’s life without a trace, even going as far as blocking them to keep them out of your life. Haunting can only happen after a ghosting & is the practice of the ghost subtly or indirectly reappearing.

Submarining & Zombieing – Both are similar to haunting, the nuances lie within the dynamic of the original relationship. Submarining is the practice of falling in & out of someone’s life constantly without obvious reason or apparent remorse. Zombieing is a combination of ghosting & submarining.

R-Bombing & Gatsbying – These terms refer to passive tactics used by partners. R-bombing is the practice of intentionally leaving someone on read. Gatsbying is the practice of posting something on social media with the intent of eliciting a specific response out of someone.

Catch & Release – This type of person is what I would consider the sport hunter of the dating world. For them, relationships are simply a game of catch & release. First, the chase challenges them. Then, the catch invigorates them. Finally, the release rejuvenates them. All relationships have an expiration date with these kinds of personalities.

Draking – The tendency of a person to get overly emotionally distraught following the action or inaction of their partner & characterized by dramatic actions, such as drunk texting one’s ex.

Swerving – The practice of intentionally avoid someone & therefore confrontation.

Lovebombing, Breadcrumbing & Gaslighting – These terms refer to manipulation tactics used in romantic relationships. When it comes to literal definitions, lovebombing seems the least threatening. It’s the practice of shower your partner in (potentially empty) compliments as a means of control. It feels really great until it doesn’t at all anymore. Lovebombers may be unable or unwilling to offer legitimate constructive criticism. Breadcrumbing, in short, is the practice of stringing someone along. Gaslighting is the worst & comes with the most consequences. It’s the practice of intentionally manipulating someone into question their own sanity or identity.

Phubbing – The tendency to reach for your phone while spending “quality time” with loved ones. “Phone Snubbing.”

Deep Linking & Stashing – Relative terms on different ends of the spectrum: Deep Linking is when you’re talking to someone “on a level,” but won’t label it. Stashing is when you’re talking to or even dating someone, but (basically) keep it a secret.

Benching & Cushioning – Both tactics utilized by those typically affected by deep seeded loyalty/trust issues. Benching is the practice of continuing to date someone you believe has potential, even if you’re not totally into them. Cushioning is the practice of maintaining a romantic or sexual back up plan when in a “committed” relationship.

Nouns:

S.O. – Significant other

Bae – Before anyone else

Boo/Daddy/Papi & Mami/Baby & Babe – Pet names

Catfish vs. Kittenfish – While a Catfish is pretending to be an entirely different person, a Kittenfish uses pictures that are authentically them, but are posed/edited to the point where they’re almost unrecognizable.

Theoretical Dating Seasons

  • The Draft: Scoping out potential mates to cuff.
  • Cuffing Season: The quick development of couples during cold months. Cuffing is a means to avoid loneliness. In the winter, students are home from school on break, many people celebrate various holidays & lots of legit couples do the cutest, most Instagram worthy activities.
  • Uncuffing Season: The ritualistic breaking up of cuffed couples. For most, uncuffing is painless because cuffing was based on lust not love.
  • Spring Fever: The quick development of couples during changing weather. (Like cuffing season, but not usually done to avoid loneliness)
  • Fun in the Sun: The ritualistic breaking up of spring fever couples. For most, this, like uncuffing, is painless because cuffing was based on lust not love.

Abuse (Physical, Mental/Emotional, Sexual) – I am NOT a mental health professional or legal counsel. Abuse is not like anything listed above. Abuse is traumatic & life altering. If you believe you or someone you know is there victim of any kind of abuse, speak up. If it’s you, seek help & if it’s someone else, talk to them. No one is “immune” from being abused or being an abuser.

Hotlines & Helplines:

In the event of immediate emergency, please call 9-1-1. Don’t wait. Act now.

Every relationship is different & will work (& possibly end) differently. Realize it is our individual differences that make life worth living. You’re not going to love everyone & not everyone is going to love you. & That’s ok. What’s not ok is doing anything in the above list for the sake of fun.

As new terms come to my attention, I’ll update this list. Be sure to use the comments section to help me do so!

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